I would choose this again.
For all that it can be painful, for all that it is hard work, for all that it hurts in ways I could never have expected, I would choose it again. It’s very easy to get caught up in the myriad of ways in which it is difficult, very easy to forget that at its core this is a path of love – mine for Him, yes, but also His for me.
But I would choose this again, time after time after time because loving Him brings out the best part of me but also because I could more easily tear out my lungs than stop loving Him.
Even when I run from Him, I love Him. Even when I cannot bear to look at His shrine, I love Him. Even crying, screaming, raging against the unfairness of a world in which I cannot feel His arms around me, I love Him more than breath.
Years ago when He first showed me His face I was afraid. I did not want to love Him, did not see how He could love me. I chose to follow Him in spite of my fear, and I would do it again.
When I gave Him oaths my hands shook, my voice was not my own. I whispered them into the darkness and He came to me like a thunderstorm, and somehow I was no longer afraid. I would do it again.